We choose what stays and what fades away
by Wholives4Eva
Summary: Nikita struggles with the memories and emotions that returning to Division bring back and Michael tries to help her deal with it. It is a one shot set post season 2. It is definitely Mikita getting hot and heavy and definitely rated M so be warned.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Michael or Nikita unfortunately, and the people who do don't let them get 'friendly' often enough.**

_**You can choose what stays and what fades away - Florence and the Machine**_

Some days she wants to forget, to feel the sharp edges of pain and memory blur in a haze of chemically induced bliss. To be someone else, somewhere else not the damaged goods she knows herself to be. Most days are worth the pain of remembering. Michael's arms holding her, his voice in her ear, low, gravelly, a vibration that hums in her bones _'Nikita I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.'_ most days. Not every day. Not today. She's spent the day going through all of Divisions operational files on her, reviewing the action reports, scanning the logs, reading Amanda, Percy and even Michael's assessments. Today the hunger is like a burning in her blood, as the faces crowd close, bodies pressed against hers, hands grabbing, touching, and hurting. Ghosts in her mind, echoes of thoughts she doesn't want to be having – _Daddy's_ _little girl, broken doll, evil inside you._

Face pressed against the cold tiles of the bathroom wall, eyes closed she doesn't hear him enter. The first she knows he is there is when strong arms wrap around her from behind, turning her into his chest. One hand stroking her hair he murmurs her name over and over. _'Nikita, Nikita'_ She cries until there aren't any more tears, until the burning in her blood has been drowned by a sea of salt water, and still he holds her. The shirt beneath her cheek is soaked thru with tears and she can taste the salt on her lips when the storm in her mind has finally calmed. She turns her tear stained face up to his, meeting his troubled gaze. Nikita knows they should talk but somehow losing herself in him, in the heat between them is so much more appealing. She strokes her thumb across his bottom lip and watches as the green of his eyes darkens. _'Nikita?'_

'_Shhh'_ she whispers against his mouth as she stretches up to put her lips against his. Instinctively his arms tighten around her and she smiles against his mouth. She runs her hands up under his shirt, caressing the muscled ridges of his chest. Shivering now with a different kind of emotion she bites his bottom lip as her hands struggle to get his shirt off, give up, settling instead for using it as leverage to pull him closer. His hand in her hair slides to the base of her neck as he uses it to shift her to a better angle and his mouth opens against hers in passionate response. She forgets the pain, the fear of hurting and being hurt in the feel of his hands in her hair, his mouth on hers.

His body pushes up against hers driving her backwards as he seeks to reassure her, comfort her, take her pain away and convince her once and for all that she is loved. Back against the wall, and the long lean length of him pressed against her the reasons why she started this begin to blur. Reason no longer matters. Hands on either side of her head now he leans in further, kissing her, tasting her, surrounding her, loving her. She can feel the spiky tendrils of desire curling low in her stomach as she sweeps her hands back down his chest to begin working on his belt buckle. Capturing her hands he pulls them up above her head and leans in again to ravage her mouth. He nips at her lips with his teeth, his tongue strokes and teases, darting in and out of her mouth, before he pulls back from her to look into her eyes. Panting heavily they stare at one another. _'Nikita this isn't what I was…'_

'_Touch me Michael -I need you, inside me now'_ his response is immediate as his mouth smashes back down against hers in greedy demand. The only thing on his mind is touching her, loving her. Maybe if he does it well enough, often enough, she'll remember next time. She'll believe in him, in them, in their love - always. Dropping her hands he smooths his up under her shirt and in one movement pulls it over her head and his mouth is slanting across hers again. His lips are everywhere, placing kisses along the line of her jaw, nibbling at the corner of her mouth, drifting down the curve of her neck to lick and kiss her throat. Gasping she grinds her hips against his, head thrown back to grant his mouth better access. His hands, fingers callused from fighting, graze across the skin of her breasts and expertly undo her bra. One hand gently cups her breast bringing her nipple to his lips, where he proceeds to bathe it with his tongue before finally suckling hard twisting the tension in her lower body tighter. She moans _'Michael'_ and digs her fingers into his back as he continues to suckle and lick first one breast then the other. The burning in her blood is generated by the wet heat between her legs now as she grinds herself against him. The ghosts in her mind drowned out by his hands, his lips on her body.

Somehow, her hands all thumbs she manages to undo his belt buckle and push his pants off his lean hips. Hands eagerly exploring this new territory, she wraps her fingers around him, stroking along his length. Moaning he gasps into her mouth as his tongue once more slips between her lips. _'God Nikita' _and then it's her turn to gasp as he slides his fingers under the elastic of her pants to stroke the slick heat there, before finally slipping first one, then two fingers inside her. Arching her hips she pushes against the heel of his palm and moans _'please now'_. Stroking his fingers in and then slowly out, he nips her swollen lips and whispers _'let go'_. Shivering she is helpless against the tide of pleasure that is twisting through her lower body. Leaning down he takes one nipple then the other into his mouth sucking hard once, twice, his fingers continuing to stroke and tease her until the first rippling waves of her climax take her.

Pushing her pants off her legs he lifts her, his fingers under her thighs and in one smooth slide enters her. The friction and heat are spiralling out of control again and she wraps her legs around his hips, arching herself to bring him more fully into contact with her centre. She can feel his body trembling as he braces his legs, in an effort to stay still. Leaning up she places her lips against his ear and whispers _'Now'_ before biting down on his lobe. Groaning he surges into her again, as she eagerly tightens around him, legs gripping his waist. Bodies locked, they lose themselves in the final desperate race to completion. His hands cupping her bottom, he pounds into her, urged on by her legs locked around his hips, nails dragging down his back, until the final tide of shuddering ecstasy overtakes them.

Still shivering with the last tremors of her climax she presses her face against his chest, marvelling that he is still wearing his shirt. _'Thank you'_ Chemical bliss can never compete with this bone aching pleasure, the sweaty slide of his body against hers. The ache in his chest is a permanent thing an almost painful need to hold her right here like this, forever. His arms tighten around her, and slowly regretfully he lifts her away from him and allows her legs to slide down his body until she is standing on her own. Hands resting gently on either side of her head he turns her face up to his and presses quick, soft kisses against her lips. _'Nikita I love you'_ Looping her arms around his neck she gives him a watery smile and returns his kiss. _'Take me to bed'. _ He takes her mouth in a long, slow kiss; it's convincingly thorough as his tongue slides inside to stroke the roof of her mouth. She is already moaning and pressing herself against him as his arms wrap around her. Lifting her, his lips slanting repeatedly across hers he carries her into their bedroom. Laying her on the bed he pulls of his shirt and then slowly lowers himself on top of her. His eyes dark with desire, with love never leave hers. It's a moment to remember. Reaching up she strokes one hand down the side of his face, running her fingers through his stubble to cup his chin _'l love you Michael'_. Their lips meet, soft wet, hands and limbs tangle as they once more begin the slow slide into each other.

Some days remembering is becoming easier, the trick she thinks will be learning what to leave behind. One day he's hoping she'll stop needing to forget, and he won't have to keep reminding her.

**AN: This is really my first attempt at full on smut so not sure it entirely works. Would really really appreciate reviews and comments as to whether it is working. I mainly wanted to try something like this because their doesn't seem to be that much Mikita fic around, especially that much where they are getting naked :D. Anyway not to harp - but review please. :P**


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